This is my audition number from my America's Got Talent audition this past Sunday, Feb 15, 2015. Yeah, I tried out for AGT. Let me tell you the story about how this all came to be.
The idea got into my head a few months ago to try out when my husband showed me a video. Actually he showed me several videos from people that auditioned for America's Got Talent. One in particular spurred me on to actually register myself! Her name is Anna, like me! Here is the video below. She has an anxiety and depression disorder and decided to try out. It was amazing to see her do this. Just being there, strong and brave, was inspiring. I don't even know if she went further on the show. But the video is very moving, and by the end I was crying.
My husband kept showing me other videos, all of them made me cry. I thought to myself, "I could do that! I could try out for that show!" I didn't think, "I could win!" I was just thinking how these people were brave and tried something, and even these video clips on YouTube are inspiring people... like me! In my home! Sitting on my couch! How awesome is that?! The decision to go on a show and try out, to show your heart, to bare your soul to the world. To do something that scares you, and is outside your comfort zone. That is some inspirational stuff!
Signing up to run a marathon is similar, in the sense that you are doing something that is outside your comfort zone. Even months of training and long hours at the gym never fully prepare you for the mental task of that race day, to run 26.2 miles. It's an amazing experience though! Both inspiring to watch others do, and to do yourself! And its something I am thinking of doing again! (I know, I KNOW, I am crazy!) Even crazier than signing up for a full marathon, though, was this idea to sign up to audition for America's Got Talent.
When I checked out the audition dates I saw they were holding them in L.A. either 2/14/15, Valentine's Day, or 2/15/15, a Sunday. I live about 35 miles from L.A. I chose V-day and registered. I thought, "Hey why not? And if my husband comes with me for moral support we will just hang out together on V-day." He agreed to join me on this crazy journey. He was like, "Sure. Why not?" We both had no idea what the outcome would be. I thought of the benefits to getting on the show to my family. What if someone liked my music and paid for me to make an album, and then I sold that album? Or even just ONE song sold! How great would that be for my family and my extended family, who all need financial help. And how awesome would it be to give back to our church, who helped us survive a year and half while we were both jobless, with two kids and a mortgage?! There were a lot of "What ifs" and "Wouldn't that be cool?" And "Why not try?" You never know what is even possible if you don't even TRY!
I didn't know if God would bless this decision. What I DO know, however, is that the gifts and talents we have been given belong to God to use for His glory and for His purposes. If I am only supposed to use my gifts and talents at my church, then that is what I will do. But giving God glory with your talents doesn't always just mean using them in a ministry setting. Doing what God created you to do brings Him glory. If He gave me a gift and I never used that gift, then I am not bringing Him glory. My act of worship is in the USE of that talent, or gift. I got confirmation of this theory through a devotional post by Rick Warren: Use Your Gifts As an Act of Worship In this devotion he says, "You don't have to always be doing something spiritual to bring God glory." I took this as affirmation and a green light to go ahead! And as I shared my plans with friends and my church family, I didn't get any flack about it. They were all supportive and knew that my heart was in the right place, because I really am not seeking fame and fortune. But a way to use my talents, bless others, and if financial blessings come to my family through this I would be ecstatic! AND I would use that money to bless others and help them, as we have been helped so much! I absolutely want GOD to get all the glory in this, and if He isn't going to be glorified in this, then I know my plans will never succeed anyways.
Well, not long after I made this decision my husband got a job offer! Yay! He was very stressed out at his current job, and we had been praying for a year for a better situation, as well as better pay. God answered our prayers and gave Jason a better paying job, and one where we didn't have to relocate (double blessing). BUT... for his new job he would be going out of town for three weeks, on 2/15/15! So, now the idea of sitting in Los Angeles for most of our day on 2/14/15 didn't seem like such a grand idea. He needed to pack, and we needed to be together as a family. So, I said that is okay. I actually had made an audition video to send as well, so I felt that was enough for God to do His will in this situation. So, I left it. Here is my video: Anna Dwinger's AGT Audition video (Only correction to the video... I wrote "December Dreams" a month before I found out I was pregnant with my son, not a month before he was born! Ah well... lol)
Then Saturday 2/14/15 came along. I helped with worship at my church's women's breakfast event that morning. And several ladies asked if I was going to the AGT audition. I said no, and explained why. They were disappointed for me, and said they had a good feeling about it for me. Well, I said I would pray about it. I would need someone to watch my kids. I couldn't sit for several hours waiting to audition in a room full of strangers in downtown L.A. with them! They would go nuts... and so would I!!
Then on the way home I had an idea, I would call one of my bestest friends in the WHOLE wide world, and ask her what she thought I should do. I was feeling like it wasn't time to give up yet. Just like when I ran so many races before, and I felt sick the weeks before, or I had been injured and was just starting to feel better. The race may go well, or it may not. But I don't like to give up before I even reach the starting line. I would rather try and fail, than to not even try at all. So, I approached this with the same attitude. If there was ANY chance for me to go, I should at least try. If I fail to get there, then the video has been sent and that could be enough. My BFF said she didn't think I was crazy and that she also felt disappointed that I had decided not to go try out. Then she said she had the 15th off and she and her husband could watch my kids! They even live in L.A., so it was kinda perfect. And she offered to let us all sleep there overnight if my audition went late. PERFECT! Thank you Lord! And thank you BFF and BFF's hubby!!
So, my husband left Sunday morning. I went to church, sang in the choir, sang on the 2nd service worship team. All as planned. And then I got lunch for me and the kids, and headed out to LA. Feeling kinda crazy, and my attitude was, "Whatever happens, happens." I knew God was in control, and I couldn't do anything more than my best. Show up, play, leave, and leave it in God's hands from there. So that is what I did.
I waited around for few hours, and finally got my turn to audition. I played my song, "December Dreams," and I left. There was one producer there listening to me, and one camera man filming me. And two other people waiting their turn in the room. After I played the producer guy smiled pleasantly, said, "That was very nice. Thank you!" A positive response, but I have no idea if my audition will get me to the live audition recorded for TV. But after that, I was done. It was time to move on. I spent the night at my BFF's home and then spent the next day, a holiday, with my kids visiting friends and having a great time. I won't hear until "Spring" if I make the show. If I don't make it, then they won't call. So... no use even sitting by the phone. It's all in God's control. I am not even going to worry or stress over it.
Last night I was looking over some of the songs I have written and there is one that has words (not instrumental like the one in my audition video.) And they fit so well for this whole journey, and my life these past few years. It's called "Dare to Dream." Maybe I will get a chance to perform it on the show! I will leave you with these final words.
Some days I wake up and I wonder,
"Will the clouds keep rolling in?"
I'm so tired of hearing thunder,
when will my life's storm end?
I dreamt of singing a new song,
But was drowned out by the crowd.
Now here I am, it's been so long,
Since I dared to dream out loud.
If I dare to dream, what is there to lose?
If I dare to dream it could all come true!
If I dare to dream.
I can see storm clouds departing.
Gray skies no longer around.
I feel my life is just starting,
nothing to keep me down.
If I dare to dream, what is there to lose?
If I dare to dream it could all come true!
If I dare to dream the impossible dream it could all come true!
Don't let anyone say, "Dreams don't come true!"
The impossible dream, it could all come true.
If I dare to dream, it could all come true!
If I dare to dream.
- Anna Dwinger
