Meg Smiles in VA #megsmiles

I have written before about Meg's Miles, so I won't repeat everything again. You can read back on my hope and dream to visit Meg Cross Menzies' memorial in VA here: My Meg's Miles Shoes and about my decision to run my 2nd full marathon in VA for Meg here: I'm Not Crazy I'm Determined

I accomplished my dream and ran my 2nd Full Marathon in VA for Meg this past weekend, 11/14/15. As my shirt says, "I run for Meg because she ran for Him." I run for God, and I run to support a grieving family who miss this dear Christian woman (Mother, Daughter, Wife) daily. I can relate to grief and loss. My Mom passed away in July 2009, in fact here is that story: Out of the Blue and I lost my oldest brother to Melanoma in July 2011, here is that story: Paul's Passing

While I was in the trenches of my own grief I started running for Meg and to support her family. Meg's Miles is the group that got me to look outward at others. To share in their pain and their grief journey has helped me in my own. Since my first Meg's Mile run on 1/18/14 I have felt myself pulling out of my own grief spiral, and now I see the hope of Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." The "cloud of witnesses" in this verse include my Mother, Paul, and Meg. Anyone who has faith in Jesus as their Lord and savior, and has gone before us from this life to the next, is included! As I look up at the clouds I now see them smiling down on me, as I run this race of life for God. They look on with approval, waiting to cheer me across that final finish line of Heaven. And that is a day I look forward to with hope and great anticipation!

Today I want to talk about my run in VA, not the race... but a run that happened the morning before. It was on the road by Meg's memorial location, Hickory Hill Rd.

On the way to the 2 mile pre-race run my van got lost! My dear friend, bless her heart, was being told to turn down a dead end road and we couldn't figure out how to get to our destination. We ended up with about 4 phones calling out 4 different directions to turn different ways, and then finally we found the street!! We were about 20 min late and 6 miles away. We were getting very discouraged, but kept pressing on. We were on the look out for a group of runners... and that is what we found! This gaggle of runners on the road running right toward us! Kimberly, our driver for the weekend, stopped and said, "Get out and go run!" So a bunch of us filed out of her van and joined the group.

It was so surreal! I am part of the Facebook page called "Meg's Miles Supporters"  and I recognized all these faces as I was running down this road toward, in the middle of VA! Here I am all the way from CA and I am seeing people from states like, Texas, South Carolina, Wisconsin, Colorado etc. that I had only ever seen online through a computer screen! Crazy!

As I kept running I saw the image of a woman I knew very well from the Meg's Miles page... Meg's own Mother, Pamela Cross! The moment her eyes locked with mine she smiled with joy, ear to ear, ran towards me and threw her arms around me. I had heard stories of this woman's amazing hugs, and I have to tell you they are all true! Her hugs are amazing!! Then she put her arm through my arm and started running with me back towards where they had started, Meg's memorial. She said to me, "My prayer warrior!" I couldn't believe it! She knew who I was and she knew I was praying for her. That is all I have ever wanted, for Meg's family to know I am praying for them every day and that I am here for them, for support and to offer some sort of comfort. As I looked into her bright blue eyes I saw her precious smile and I said, "You have Meg's smile." She looked right into my eyes and said, "So do you." Wow. The truth of that statement really struck me. All this time the hash tag #megsmiles has read "Meg's Miles" to me, and that is what the page is called. But that day "Meg Smiles" is what I started to think about.

Pamela Cross and Anna Dwinger running down Hickory Hill Rd in VA.

All weekend Meg's Smile was on the face of every Meg's Miler supporter I saw. Whether they were running a race, or on the side lines cheering... there was Meg's Smiling face. Here are a few smiling selfies from that day just to prove my point...

This is Meg's widower, Scott. The most precious smile is to see his. God bless him. 

There are MANY more photos like that... but you see my point ;)

I could write about many more moments from this weekend, the Meg's Miler we will forever refer to as the "accidental marathoner"  , or the time I spent with Pamela Cross and her husband Wirt at the memorial on Sunday. But each and every moment was more of the same, lots of smiles and memories shared of Meg. And I know that this weekend God was peeling back the clouds for Meg to peer down at all that was going on, and she was smiling on all she saw being done, said, accomplished, and honored in her memory. 

I got to hang my first pair of marathon shoes on Meg's memorial in person. I came to VA for this reason, but I took away so much more. Our group has a motto, "We run as one" and you know what, this weekend has really shown me that we truly do! Collectively we are Meg's Smile.

A moving moment for me. To leave my footprint of love on this tree of runner's shoes. Runners who share their love through their miles and smiles, for Meg.

Meg's Mom Pamela Cross and Tracey Outlaw. #MegSmiles

Meg Smiles

I met them on Hickory Hill Rd. Strangers who were my friends. Friends I had never embraced, but felt like I had known for a million years. We met on the road to Meg's Memorial. This journey was paved in sorrow. Pain that we would trade in a second to be strangers once again. But somehow this tradgedy has turned into something good. Through the power of a mighty God, evil has not won. Hope peaks its head through the clouds of sorrow, like a beam of sunshine piercing through the clouds. Filling our lives with His light. The light that shone through Meg's smile.

My RVA Weekend Photo Album

LIFE Runner hits the road in San Francisco

I turned 40 this July, and to celebrate what did I do? I went on a girls weekend in San Francisco... and ran a half marathon. Of course! My BFF from my college days was on board to tag along, although she doesn't run. She is one of my biggest supporters. She is also adventurous and spontaneous, things I love most about her! She hopped on board a plane with me, toured the city of SF with me, and then met me at the finish line. Even hung out with me and some running friends for lunch after, such a good sport. She is the bestest bestie!

While I was there I met up with some Meg Mile's friends. (People from an amazing group on Facebook called "Megs Miles Supporters") Two of which my BFF and I roomed with the night before the race. And the two gals ran the SF race with me. I actually stuck with one of them the whole way and crossed the finish line with her! We only got separated a couple times during the race, but always found each other. The other gal finished before us by just a few minutes!

This race was fun, and I did get my 2nd fastest time on a half marathon course. Which made me super happy, since my PR is on a very flat and easy course. But there was another reason I ran the San Francisco marathon (the 1st half). I just became a LIFE Runner not too long ago. And I even started a local chapter where I live, in Orange California. And this was my first half marathon where I had my shirt! So I decided to go for it and dedicate this run to the unborn and the women who have to face a very tough decision and need our help!

While I toured the city of SF the day before the race I realized I had chosen to run with this LIFE Runner's jersey on in a very liberal city. Kind of a bold move... but I decided it was a good move. One God would bless. So I donned my new LIFE Runners shirt with pride and went out to spread the message. I didn't say much to anyone, but I figured the shirt was a living billboard on my back. And if anyone wanted to ask me about it, I was ready to share what LIFE Runners was about.

During the race no comments were made to me about it, except from one older man running by who tapped me on the shoulder. He said, "I love your shirt! God bless you!" And he ran ahead. The last time I wore this shirt I ran a 10k, and I had two people say something similar. I love that God sends encouragers our way when we need that little affirmation that we are doing the right thing. And maybe no one else had anything to say, or even noticed the shirt. But that is okay. I would like to think I planted a few seeds though and caused people to say, "Hmmmm."

LIFE Runners has become a new passion for me, because I can no longer stand the news in the media about abortion and Planned Parenthood. It enrages me. On the flip side when I hear stories of women losing their babies or having to go to an abortion clinic because the baby they had prayed and long for wasn't developing and they had to get a D&C to remove their precious child, it hurts my heart for those women. Sometimes things happen that are beyond a woman's control, and abortion becomes a necessity. And I want those women to know, I am not aiming any anger at you at all.

There is a difference to me regarding women who decide to take the life of an unborn and completely healthy child. Who think, it's a women's right issue. Who think it simply is "their choice and their body." That is what infuriates me, as well as the abortionists who coldly perform these abortions or assist them. The women that truly have to have an abortion due to health problems with the baby, and there are risk to themselves to carry that child... I place no judgement on them. In fact judgement on the former is not up to me either, but is in God's hands. And I know that the blood of the unborn will be paid for one day. He will make all things right in the end.

When I think of the brokenness of the women who don't know what other choice they have, that choose an abortion out of desperation and confusion, that just breaks my heart. So what am I to do? Besides fight against Planned Parenthood being funded by our tax dollars (which I am absolutely against) I am also fighting for Pregnancy Crisis Centers to be better funded and to be more well known as a choice. There IS another choice out there! I bet you have a local pregnancy crisis center in your neighborhood and didn't even know it! Get to know where they are. And be prepared to tell a woman in need about it, if you ever come across a scared woman who is pregnant and has no idea what to do with a baby or can't fathom being pregnant and continuing life the next 9 or so months that way. Send them there! Save the life of an unborn child, and help a woman get the support she needs to make the best decision for herself, her physical and mental well being, and for that baby.

These clinics are also there to help women who have undergone an abortion and are feeling remorse. They need our love and support as well. These clinics will offer help and encouragement to those women. So, remember that as well. Keep your ears and eyes open for the hurting, and help them find their way to those that can help them best.

If you live in Orange County CA, there is a center that my chapter is supporting. And if you would like more information follow this link: http://www.living-well.org/ If you would like to support my chapter's fundraising efforts to help this local pregnancy crisis center go to our fundraiser page: www.razoo.com/team/Life-Runners-Oc-Chapter

One of the Meg's Miles groups mottos is, "Be the good." And this is one way I feel God is leading me to do just that. "Be the change you wish to see in the world!" -Gandhi

The Day Love Won

June 26, 2015 Facebook was covered with the hash tag #LoveWins   This was the day that the SCOTUS made a decision, ruling 5 to 4, to make same-sex marriage legal. And all over Facebook profile pics turned rainbow color, for those that were in joy over this decision.

The picture to the side is the one I finally decided to post. Because, I do believe we should love all people, and I do have many gay friends that I want to show that I love them... I support them, but I don't support the ruling. So when I read this article, The Day That Love Won, I was inspired!

This may seem contrary, to say I love my gay friends and I want them to be happy (I even want them to have legal equality) but then to turn around and say I am not happy about marriage being defined as anything but "between one man and one woman." And I assure you I understand your point of view! I have been on both sides of the fence on this issue. Oh... yes! It's true. And that may surprise many people. I clearly see the equal rights side, and can understand it as part of the human rights movement. I also have studied Scripture thoroughly and have come to an understanding of this issue from a morality standpoint.

A little background, I grew up in a Christian home. My Dad was a Pastor of a non-denominational church and we were raised in a very conservative home. I accepted Jesus into my heart at a very young age. As a teenager my parents divorced, but that just made me cling to my faith more and to seek Jesus more in my life. I studied and memorized scripture with fervor. In fact I was angry with my Father for allowing the divorce to happen. After all Jesus adamantly preached against divorce, except if there was infidelity. He took the OT laws of the Bible and made the even MORE strict! Saying that any person who remarries after a divorce commits adultery! (Wow. Harsh.) And that was coming from Jesus!

Through the late 80's and early 90's homosexuals were seen as the bad guy, and the cause of the AIDS epidemic. They were vilified. I didn't know any better. I was young, and I believed everything I was told by the right wing conservatives. I was naive. At least as I grew up I always showed love and compassion towards people that were different than me, had different beliefs, or that were gay. I didn't think to hate them. I knew, as Christians, we were called to love all people, most of all our enemies! In fact this is the most well known teaching of Jesus, and most often quoted back to a Christian by others who feel judged by them.

Matthew 22:36-40(NIV)

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Fast forward to about a year after I was married. I met a gay man at my work place. He was funny, I liked him a lot. We had a lot in common, actually. He knew I was a Christian so he kind of held back his jokes around me, I could tell. But over time we became friends and he learned he could "let it all hang out," so to speak. He was himself, and we got a long great! As we got to know each other I learned that he also seemed to have the same faith in Jesus as I did! It didn't shock me to meet a gay person (this wasn't my first "gay" friend). Nor did I have a problem being friends with anyone that believed differently than me (still don't). But when I realized he may be a "Gay-Christian" my mind was blown away. I didn't think that was even possible!

So we talked, and talked.... and talked. And I racked my mind trying to figure this out. I was thinking, "Could I be wrong? Is there something I am missing in the Scriptures? Are we mis-interpreting or missing something?" So I set out to find answers. I did this because he was hurting, and my beliefs were part of that pain. I felt compassion for his plight, and I wanted to know if I was wrong.

I searched for these answers for about 10 years! I found people on all sides of the subject. Pastors on both sides of the fence, even a South African Lesbian Pastor who was married (met her through Facebook) who shared with me some different interpretations of all the famous "clobber verses." Including the story of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19), the Old Testament laws in Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13. And the most controversial verses in the New Testament, Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Timonthy 1:8-11.

I even went with my "Gay-Christian" friend to see a showing of a movie called, "For The Bible Tells Me So" that expands on those interpretations. (I even bought it, so I could study what they shared!) I also have a brother who became an Episcopalian priest who was also sharing with me these view points. I won't re-hash them all out here. At this point these views are pretty readily available if you search You Tube for "Matthew Vines" you will find it all pretty quick. He is trying his best to get the church to re-interpret scripture to accept the gay lifestyle and not call it a sin. ("Lifestyle," a word that would irk my gay friends. Because as the best they can put it, they "simply are." There is no choice in the matter. It is a state of being.) Vines argues, as long as they aren't sleeping with anyone outside of marriage, and are in a committed monogamous relationship, they should to be allowed to be married. This was also the sticking point to me. Because if we throw all the sexual sins in one big pile we can pretty much narrow it down to this: Sex outside of marriage is a sin. And if one could be married to the same-sex then this issue would all be resolved. And I wanted answers. Would God ever bless same-sex marriage? Is it possible?

EDIT: June 2021- Before you read on please go to my post: Let Love Lead I have done some further research and come to conclusions that make the next part of this post not relevant to read. (You may read it. But then head over to "Let Love Lead" next to find out what happens.)

I am sure many of you would find the arguments fairly convincing, as I did. The only problem I found is this: we are changing some qualities about God that simply put, don't change. It also puts into question the infallibility of the Word of God.

God may not clearly spell out what a homosexual is, in the Bible. Nor does he ever really clearly distinguish between one who sleeps with someone of the same sex in lust and one who does so out of love. But God did do something very clearly in the Bible, define marriage. God so clearly defines marriage that even though the verses on homosexuality don't answer a lot of the questions that have arisen in today's society, you really can't question where He stands on marriage.

So, when it all came down to it I had a decision to make. And its a decision we all must make. Am I going to continue to believe that God is the author of the Bible? Well, if I believe these verses the answer is a clear and emphatic, "YES!"

2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

And from Jesus' own mouth:

Matthew 5:17-20  Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

And then there is this piece of Scripture that really hits me:

2 Timothy 4:3-4  For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 

I was seeking anyone that would tell me what my "itching ears" wanted to hear! I so desperately wanted to believe it. I so desperately want to believe that my friend can exist as both "gay" and "Christian" at the same time. And as I ponder that thought, in some ways that is possible and in some ways not.

Possible, in the sense that we are all a work in progress. 1 John 3:2 says, "Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." Not one of us has been perfected... Not YET, at least. One day we will stand before our Savior and it will all fall into place. Until that day we will live in a constant state of struggle with our flesh and the world tugging at us to return to our ways.

Not possible in the sense that I fear he has walked away from his faith to be in this relationship with a man who hates Christianity, for many reasons. (Many of which I can understand. I mean, after all, there is so much hate said and done in the name of Christ. Which is horrendous. And something to touch on in a separate blog).

I just keep pleading with him to not let go of his faith in God, and reminding him Jesus loves him and so do I. Because what I know for certain is that Christ died for ALL! And John 3:16 says so! I think his relationship could be a stumbling block. But also, that it doesn't have to be. (And I won't even make the assumption as to what God would ask of him and his partner to do if they were to both turn to him and seek after God together, offering their relationship to him. Fully and completely surrendering to God and his will for their life. I would love to see what the Holy Spirit does in their hearts! Where he could lead them! How much love could expand, and grow, and shatter our perceptions... If they sought God as their #1 together. Could be life changing for them and for those of us who watched their transformation in Christ. What amazing things God could do! I can't even fathom.)

You may be wondering why I seek these answers so fervently. Why? Because I love my friend, and I saw him hurting so deeply. He is in a relationship (a marriage) with a man that he loves very dearly. I can tell that they are each other's world. And the love I see there is akin to the love that exists in my own marriage. They are best friends. Been there for each other through the rough times and the good times. And I felt bad, to tell someone that they can't have what I have. And not understand the "Why not?!" part of it. How can I ask that of them. Why would God ask that of them? To stop being in that "state of being" ...in that definition of who they say they are. In order to be something else? Well, yes. In order to follow Christ and be in the center of his will.

And this is why I feel that it makes sense. First of all, they are called to a NEW state of being! We all are! 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" It fits with Scripture in so many other ways, as well. If you read what Jesus says about giving your life up for Him, and read about becoming a new creation in Christ Jesus, about laying it all at His feet in surrender, about the transformational power of God... then I am limiting God if I say this is impossible to enter into a new state of being!

Read Mark chapter 10, Jesus talks to his disciples about salvation. Mark 10:27 says...

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

Bottom line, this isn't a marriage issue. It is a heart issue. It is a salvation issue. 5 Supreme Court Justices may just have re-defined marriage in America, but God's word never changes. And we can not un-do what has been written or re-interpret scripture to make ourselves feel better or to approve of a life that God has not created us to live.

And as the picture I made for my Facebook pic states, #LoveAlreadyWon ... Over 2,000 years ago! The day Jesus died on the cross, the day he was buried, and then the 3rd day that he rose again... LOVE WON! Love won over our sins, and salvation became ours for the taking! All sins past, present and future... GONE! And all you have to do is accept it.

Romans 10: 9-13 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Call on Him today.

The day I became a LIFE Runner

I run to raise money for melanoma and help raise awareness on how to prevent skin cancer and melanoma. I do this because my brother Paul and his wife Ruth both passed away from melanoma cancer, and it's my way of turning something bad into a positive. I lead a Bible study and 5k/ 10k training class called "Run for God." I am part of an online group called "Meg's Miles" on Facebook, which is focused on "being the good" and to run for Him. Meg's story reminds me to never take a day with my kids and husband for granted, and to focus on being strong in every aspect of my life, from running to being a Christian, to simply being a good wife and mother. Which at times seems like it's not so simple. I also am part of a Mom's running club called "Mom's Run This Town" where Moms and women come together to run when our husband's can watch the kids, or when we can find a sitter, or we take our kids out in their strollers, and we even do races together. We inspire each other to be our best, to improve ourselves, and to be an example of health to our kids. I also am part of a group called "RunningFriends4Life" which is a group that runs every Saturday morning and was started by a Christian marathoner from a local church as a way to reach out to the local community. Now that group simply runs on Saturdays for fun and fellowship and is very supportive group as I have trained for my first marathon, and as I raise money for melanoma research via my "Virtual Birthday Run". The roots of many of these clubs have one thing in common, God. I run for God and I do a lot of other things that fall under that umbrella. If it brings glory to God, I am in! If it supports, encourages, inspires, uplifts, and does good for the world, my family, and community... I am a part of it.  Now I am adding to this list of groups I run with or for.

The day I became a LIFE Runner is the day I read a couple articles that made me burn with anger, and spurred me on to action. "NOW is the time to act!" I said to myself. Here is the first article: No Murder Charges in Death of Baby After Pregnant Woman Had Baby Cut Out of Stomach And here is the 2nd article: New York House Passes Bill Allowing Shooting Babies Through The Heart With Poison To Kill Them Both of these articles are true! And both make me angry, make my stomach churn, and make me want to cry all at the same time. I defy you to read those and find the justice or the good in that!

LIFE Runners is a Pro-Life Christ centered group that supports Pregnancy Crisis Centers. They are the voice of the unborn child. Their approach is loving, but firm. They are a group that I have watched for several years and feel comfortable getting behind and supporting, and can feel proud to be associating my name with. I am currently forming my own LIFE Runners Chapter in Orange CA. And I have already decided I want to support a local pregnancy center called Living Well. This center is EXACTLY the type of place LIFE Runners gets behind and supports. They are a perfect fit. I even set up my fundraising page already: LIFE Runners OC Chapter Fundraising Page I am all set!

The subject of abortion is a "hot button topic," which is something I don't shy away from. (As many of my friends know already.) I don't care if its not politically correct to be "Pro-Life." I am already a Christian, which is less and less popular or accepted by society. I am not going to stop talking about a subject just because its controversial. But what I wanted to explore today is the root of the decision of a person to be "Pro-Choice" or "Pro-Life." It is not that one group values life and one group doesn't. It's really about how an individual answers these questions that makes them fall one way or the other: WHEN does each group believe that life begins? When does life have VALUE? And when does that life have MORE value than the woman carrying that life?

First question: When does life begin? If you are a Christian you believe that life begins at conception. Actually, I would say we Christians believe life began even before that! Before the creation of the world, God knew you would exist. He knew your name, He already knew how long your life would be, and what would happen to you. "Really?" You say. "Why yes." I say. Check this out:

       Psalm 139 13-16

       For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;  my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 

Notice the last line, "...the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." God has an account of your life... before you were even formed in your Mother's womb! Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God knew you before you were born, and He has plans for you! These are promises Christians cling to. These promises give us hope!

Okay, so you're not a Christian. You are an atheist or an agnostic, or what have you. You think I am crazy. Well, I am here to show you where that "crazy" comes from. Why do we Christian Pro-Lifers value life as soon as conception? Because every person's life has value to God. And if it has value to God then it should have that same value to me! Which basically answers question two.

Question two: When does life have value? This can be answered in a million different ways by a million different people. And bottom line, the time when most people value the life of an unborn baby is when it looks like a baby, and can live outside the womb with fairly minimal help. If a premature baby is born and can be put in an incubator and continue to develop into a healthy child outside the womb, guess what... we are all upset if that same aged baby is aborted. Most likely everyone can agree that abortion in the 3rd trimester is abhorrent. Why? Because we all recognize that unborn fetus is a baby. The closer a fetus gets to the 9 month mark the more their life is valued by the population as a whole. However, a Christian values that life, as previously stated, at conception. We believe that there is no life that is an accident, or a mistake. Every human child is considered a gift. Perhaps you have read this in a baby shower card,  Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him."

I know, you may not believe that. But I do. And because of this belief I find abortion at any point in a pregnancy to be an injustice. Human rights should start in the womb. They have the right to life! I do not believe any woman has the right to kill that life inside her, even if her pregnancy is only a couple weeks along and she just found out!

"How about the woman who was raped?" You may ask. Or "How about the teenage girl who got pregnant by her own father, or brother, or uncle... etc.?" "How about the woman who (fill in the blank)." I know you can think of an example where you can't imagine having that baby if you were in her shoes. You think, "How cruel to force her to have that baby!" But, that is what a crisis pregnancy center is for. Women who are in these horrifying positions need help. They don't need an abortion. I am sorry, but they don't need that on top of the emotional distress they are already facing. A crisis pregnancy center will talk about abortion, and not take that choice away from women. But they will tell them the truth and give them alternatives to abortion and encourage women to make a different choice. Living Well's site says, "An unexpected pregnancy can be a frightening time that makes you overwhelmed and confused about your next steps. At LivingWell, you'll find practical solutions and compassionate support to sort through each of your challenges. You are not alone." And there is a statistic that says, "82% of post-abortion mothers said JUST ONE supportive person would have changed her mind." Wow!!! Right?! 82%!! One person offering their support, and 82% of the time that woman chooses life for her baby! That's what I call, being the good!

I have offered this type of support to friends in the past. One example, I brought my best friend from High School to a place called "The Elizabeth House" when she became pregnant. I was attending a Christian University. She was living with her boyfriend, who hadn't finalized his divorce yet and had a young son. And she decided she wanted to have his baby. He became abusive and threatened her life after she became pregnant. I told her to NEVER ever think of that baby as a mistake, even if she was conceived out of some poor decisions, she is NOT a mistake. And then I brought her to this home for pregnant and abused women. They helped her figure out how to be a single mom, how to provide for her baby, and she was able to keep her baby. Today she is married, her husband is a very godly man. And she had a son with him. Her baby was adopted by this man. They are a family, and they are blessed. God can take your circumstances, and turn it completely around. What seems like the impossible, is not impossible with God. Matthew 19:26 "Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

This leads us to the third question: When does that fetus' life have more value than the woman carrying that life? Many pro-choice women are a part of the women's liberation movement. I am all for a woman having the right to vote, to being paid as well as a man is for the same position in the work place, to be treated as a person and not as a sex object. I am good with all of that. But, I do not see how a baby has a place in the women's lib movement. I have heard the rhetoric, just check out this link to the Pro Choice Action Network.  I quote: "Even if a fetus can be said to have a right to life, this does not include the right to use the body of another human being." Ummmm, well then, uhhhh, errrr... how do we have babies? If they don't have the right to use a woman's body? Well that sounds like nonsense to me. They say, "...a pregnant woman is not required to save it by loaning out her body for nine months against her will."  I say, "Once pregnant there is no choice BUT to have your body loaned out for nine months." The child didn't ask to be conceived any more than the woman willed to have conceived a baby! There was no choice from the child to be in there in the first place. It simply is. Life has begun, and your body is housing that life. Whether you signed up for it or not... its happening. Baby didn't ask to be born, and you didn't ask to be pregnant.

I know, they are talking about rape or becoming pregnant when they didn't choose to become pregnant. And that they have the right to have sex and not get pregnant. Well, I don't really agree with that last statement completely either. There are a lot of things society says they have a right to, and its just not so. Sex isn't a right, it's a privilege. Its something that is supposed to be shared by a wife and a husband. Privilege and "it's my right" often get mixed up in society. But this might get me too far off topic, so I digress. As far as rape, or other unfortunate type of circumstances, I have a heart. I feel their pain, and I want to help. And the only way I can help is to support a place like Living Well. And when a woman crosses my path that is in one of those horrifying and life changing situations, that is where I will bring them. I will be the one, I will offer my support. I will show them where they can get even more support. And I will hurt with them. I will cry with them. I will love them unconditionally. Why? Because THAT is what they need. They don't need an abortion, they need LOVE and support. And I will pray they choose life for their baby. I will pray they are part of the 82%. And I will pray that one day abortion becomes the unthinkable. Even if it remains a legal choice.

Here are some more statistics to ponder: 33% of mothers have had an abortion, 64% felt coerced and 84% felt they had no choice.  Planned Parenthood won’t show mothers ultrasound before abortion because mothers would see their baby and 64% would choose Life! 

Those are the facts. That is the truth. And now that I am a LIFE Runner I will be talking to anyone along my path about all of these things. Hopefully I will give people something new to think about. Perhaps present my point of view in a way that makes them at least understand the Christian Pro-Life's side. And offer people a tangible way to help. Support places like Living Well. Find out where your local Pregnancy Crisis center is. Steer women away from Planned Parenthood facilities. They don't help the women in crisis, they provide abortions. They don't offer alternatives. The don't offer the support these women truly need.

I am sure much more could be said and debated. This may just scratch the surface of this topic. But at least you all will know what it means when I call myself a LIFE Runner. And when you see a shirt like this, you will know what it stands for.

Jeremiah 1:5 "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart."

Clouds of Sorrow

After a rain storm happens I have been noticing how the sky is nice and clear, and the cloud patterns are gorgeous! One day, while driving to work, I was looking at the dark gray clouds contrasting against some white fluffy clouds in the distance, and the bright blue sky behind them. I thought to myself, "The clouds are like my sorrow." I looked at the cars driving through the intersection, the people running, people walking their dogs, and the kids walking to school. Life was bustling away. The gorgeous sky, and the clouds hanging in the background seemed hardly noticed. 

The clouds hang there in the background, and the busy life happens in the foreground. But as I looked at that clear blue sky behind the clouds I thought, "The blue sky is God. He encompasses it all. He is expansive. He covers everything. And even though my sorrow hangs in the background, God is behind my sorrows." And as I studied the clouds more, through the weeks to follow, I thought about the sun that shines. The sun is God's Son, Jesus. His light cuts through the dark clouds. He shows forth God's love. His light reflects on the clouds of sorrow. Like the clouds, I reflect Christ. If I am living life like I should be. The more I reflect Christ the more beautiful I am, and the more Christ makes something beautiful out of my sorrow.  

Clouds can be dark, filled with lightning and thunder, they can be light and fluffy, or wispy and barely there. Think about a sunset. Or a sunrise. Think about the pinks, purples, oranges... sometimes soft and pretty, and sometimes intense and bright! Takes your breath away, doesn't it? Sometimes it piles up like the pillars of billowy clouds in the sky, sometimes its barely noticeable like the clear blue and sunshine filled days. Is the sorrow ever gone? Well, just like the clouds... no. It just changes day to day, and moment to moment. My sorrow comes and goes like the clouds.

I heard this song on the radio, "Hope in Front of Me" by Danny Gokey. It fit so perfectly, I wanted to set some cloud photos to the song. I ended up using many pictures from the Meg's Miles support group on Facebook that I am in. We run to support a family in grief. The logo on our shirts says, "I run for Meg." And as I think about those words I realize Meg's Mom, Husband, and Mother in law "run for Meg" to feel her presence. To feel what she felt when she ran. To enjoy something that she enjoyed.

Doing something that a loved one used to do makes you feel close to them. After my brother Paul passed away from Melanoma cancer, instead of attending a memorial, his wife Ruth, myself, my other brother Nathan, and my Dad did things that Paul loved to do. We went to his favorite burger joint and had lunch. We went to the fair and went on all the rides that Ruth and he had gone on the year before when he was healthier. Then we did Bikram yoga together, something Ruth and Paul did as instructors, and something Paul started doing to manage terrible back pain from literally breaking his back in half from a 90 foot fall! All those activities made us feel close to him. And this past year, when the 3rd anniversary of Paul's passing came along and I was having a hard time facing it again, I went to a Bikram class almost every day for a week. It was cleansing. It made me feel close to him; it made me miss him, but it also reminded me of him in good ways. I am pretty sure running is something similar for Meg's family. The bitter and the sweet all combined into one. Like the "Clouds of Sorrow," as I've dubbed them.

Here is the video I made with the collection of cloud pictures from the Meg's Miles support group, some I took and some from a friend of mine. As I study clouds and think of the similarities to my sorrow, I see the beauty in the sorrow. If the clouds are my sorrow, and Christ is the sun, when I reflect more of Him the more beautiful I become. I become more full of grace and mercy, love and compassion. And that makes people full of sorrow beautiful people, if they seek after Christ and to be made like Him, and don't let bitterness overtake them. The Bible says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4. That is a promise from God. Cling to that promise, and don't let the dark clouds get you down. The sun is coming, the sky will grow more and more beautiful... just wait and see!

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Revelation 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Galatians 6:2 (ESV) Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

¹ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

² A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up [that which is] planted;

³ A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴ A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵ A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶ A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷ A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸ A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I'm not crazy, I'm determined!

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3

Today I pushed that registration button and signed up for my 2nd FULL marathon. And I know, I said I usually just run half marathons, and I only ran one full... so I still consider myself only half crazy. BUT!!!!....... I say to that, "I am not crazy, I am determined!" (And I give credit to Brooke Roney, a fellow Meg's Miler, for those words. She ran the Walt Disney World Goofy challenge with a sprained ankle.) So there you go. ;-)

My last full marathon was March 9, 2014. My next full will be November 14, 2015. That's 20 months apart. I thought to myself the other day, "That's like the distance between the birth of two children!" And if you think about it from that point of view... it kind of makes sense that I am ready for another one!

The first one took a lot of mental planning. I wasn't sure I was ready, I didn't know if I EVER would be ready, but after my SIL Ruth passed away from Melanoma I thought... I have no more excuses. So, I took the plunge and went for it. And I decided to raise money for Melanoma research, in memory of my brother Paul and his wife Ruth... who BOTH passed away from that horrible type of cancer!

I made some poor training decisions and suffered a few minor injuries along the way. I had many early mornings and sleepless nights. (I woke my husband up with my alarm at 5am so many times he practically begged me to just sleep in for once!) I put my body through months of pain and struggle. Until finally. There it was, the birth of my first marathon. In all its glory and imperfect perfection. The L.A. Marathon was completed, I got my finishers medal. I went home with my new shiny medal and a sense of pride and accomplishment. I had raised $1450 for the Melanoma Research Foundation, I am blessed to have so many supportive and loving friends and co-workers that helped me do that!

The months following the "runner's high" wore off, I was tired from all the rigorous training. I couldn't fathom ever going through all of that again, and neither could my husband. But then, almost a year passes and you realize, "I kinda want to do that again." You are shocked by your own thoughts... but yes, that is what you thought!! Just like having kids. Right when your first starts sleeping through the night, potty training starts and the end of diapers is in sight, there you go, wanting another baby. Fondly looking at other babies (and yes I look fondly at other marathoner's accomplishments). And then your dreams turn into reality. You're ready! "Let's do this!" You think. And there you have it... another child is born Or, in this case, another marathon is born.

And just like with the birth of your first child, you learn a few things. What to do, what not to do. You're more relaxed about it. Nervous... a bit. But you know that you CAN do it. So, if I am crazy for running a full marathon a 2nd time, then so are all the parents in the world with more than one child, that willingly chose to have more than one child!! Haha And perhaps some of you can understand the "craziness" with that analogy. Or maybe not, if you're not a parent... or never gave birth. But take it from me, I am not crazy. I am just full of determination! As my favorite mantra says, "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." And I am ready for some changes in my life!

My favorite mantra!

Another Meg's Miler, Scott Donaldson, posted this quote from a Runner's World magazine: "Think about how many people would love the option of running a marathon. You have that option. Do not take it for granted." And after reading that I said to myself, "Yeah! That's right! I am capable! So I am going to do this while I still can!" Because, you know what? There will come a day where I won't be able to run a marathon. There may come a day that I can't even barely walk anymore! But today is NOT that day! No more excuses. I am still capable. I CAN do this! 

In fact, the marathon that I am going to do is in another state! I live in California... and I am going to run a full marathon in Virginia! I mentioned a couple Meg's Milers already, well, a whole bunch of them are going to be there running the Richmond Virginia Marathon, Half Marathon, and 8k. Meggers from all around the world! Even from Germany! We are going to gather together and do what we do, dedicate our miles to Meg. A woman of faith who left this earth way too early, but left us a legacy behind that is hard to live up to. But I will be doing my best to do just that. I want to be a woman of God, a loving wife and mother. I want to give back to my community, and give a warm smile and a word of encouragement to those around me. I want to spend time with my family, and I want to run with all my heart, and seek God in the journey. This marathon is about the attitude and meaning behind all I do. To show others, it is through Christ that I have the strength to accomplish this! And it is by His power that I will be able to do this once again! May He be glorified and honored by this journey I am about to embark on. Amen!

Just like the back of my "I run for Meg" shirt says,"... because Meg ran 4 HIM!"

The ANNAGIZER rises again! RVA 2015 FULL, here I come!!!!!! 

Sprinting towards the finish line!! LA Marathon 2014!!

Holding my finisher's medal after crossing the finish line, just 15 seconds under my max time goal of 6 hrs!

I set up a "virtual piggy bank" Anna: Running for Meg in VA for people who want to help me with the cost of traveling out of state and running the full. Something my boss at work wanted to do for me, to help me reach my goal and to show support. Honestly, the only expenses I have are for this are 1. Registration 2. Shoes 3. Food. The hotel, flights, and transportation have been taken care of. But if I do collect more money than the cost of #1, 2, and 3 I will donate the funds to the Meg's Menzie's Memorial Fund (once that has been officially established) and perhaps even a couple other charities that I feel reflect the Meg's Miles motto of "Be the good." And I had to post this cute picture, I have a real piggy bank on my desk at work...

VA or bust! Feed the piggy! Get the Annagizer to the Richmond Virginia Marathon!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL!