I Am Only Half Crazy

I decided to start a new blog. I posted a few older running stories (below), starting with the one that changed it all... my marathon story. Since I ran a marathon I have dedicated my running to God. I have led a Bible study called, Run for God, and will be speaking soon to a group of ladies at my church about my marathon experience, how God made it all about Him, and some lessons I learned. But in this post I wanted to share with you how it all started... this crazy running business. (Or shall I say, half crazy running business?)


In June 2011 my son was 10 months old, my daughter was 3, and I decided to go to a boot camp class upon invitation of my neighbor. She was a runner, I thought she was crazy. She thought I would love this boot camp class... at 5:30am!! I actually thought, "Why not?" My husband heard us discussing a 5:30am workout and he laughed, "Ha!" I am not a morning person, so he thought there was no way I would be able to pull this off. But I told him I really wanted to go. So, I went.  Little did I know that this decision would change my life. My neighbor's simple invitation... CHANGED MY LIFE! Amazing to think how one moment in time, and one simple "yes," or "no," can change the course of one's life.

I remember it was a Thursday morning. When I got there I found out it was "Thigh Thursday." Needless to say, after an hour long workout that morning, I couldn't walk the next day. I woke up Friday morning and my legs were so sore I could barely get out of bed. Just sitting down on the toilet was painful!! My kids sat on my lap and I cried out in pain! You would think I would never go back after that... but I did. I didn't go Friday, but I showed up Monday morning. After a few days of going I knew I was hooked. The instructor called me and asked if I wanted to sign up, told me the cost, my husband said it was too much, I called the instructor, he gave me another price, I told my husband, he said it was still too much... but for some reason this boot camp instructor lowered his price one more time and said, "I can tell you want to do this. So how about this..." Husband said yes, finally. I said, "YES!" and I went back to the torture chamber... eh hum, I mean boot camp.

If you live in Orange, California... or close by, you should check this place out. Tell Mark I sent you. It's called Hit the Mark Fitness. Mark changed my life. My neighbor invited me there, I met Mark, and Mark changed my life!

My brother, Paul, was battling stage 4 metastasized melanoma cancer at this time. And July 29, 2011 he passed away. My boot camp instructor, Mark, ended up challenging me to do this 5k with his boot camp classes. It wasn't until October (I forget when he invited me, but it was after Paul passed away). I thought my running neighbor was crazy (remember) and I ran a mile during boot camp as a "timed mile" and I about died every time! My fastest mile was around 10 minutes. I thought, "I can barely survive one mile, how could I do 3?" But Mark convinced me that I was capable. So I decided to do it. I started running around my neighborhood with my son in the stroller around his nap time, so he would sleep, and while my daughter was in preschool. And eventually, I worked my way up to 3 miles. I remember my goal was to run this 3.1 miles in 30 minutes.

In October 15, 2011 I ran the local Chapman 5k with my boot camp group, and I ran it in 29:41 minutes! Just under that 30 minute goal! I was ecstatic! I did it! The next time I saw Mark at boot camp I said, "So what's next, a 10k?" I was ready for the next challenge. Mark said, "No. You're ready for a half marathon." I was like... wait a minute. You just convinced me to do 3.1 miles, now you want me to do how many miles? 13.1?!! I asked him how long he thought that would take me. He said, 2 hours and 30 minutes. Needless to say, this took some months of convincing. I just couldn't even fathom being on my feet, running, for over 2 hours!!! Really? But he was convinced that I could, solely based on my fitness level from doing boot camp 4 to 5 days a week.

Eventually, I did it. I signed up for my first half marathon. It ended up being the local OC 1/2 Marathon in May 2012. During my training I thought for sure I would never run a half again. I was feeling pains in my hips, my knees, my feet, my calves... it was traveling all around. I asked my running neighbor if that would go away. She assured me my legs would get use to running. And Mark showed me a lot of stretches that helped. One time he even tortured me on a table with something called a tiger's tail. He rolled that across my calves and I was in so much pain I was crying. I told him that was more painful than giving birth to my two children, which was done all natural without any epidural!!

I ran the race in May, and I finished in 2:27:30... 2 1/2 minutes under what Mark said I could do it in! When I got to the end I was ready to sign up for another! That little cartoon (at the top) was me! My legs felt great, I had no pain, I could even walk the next day! And I definitely was feeling that runner's high, because I couldn't stop smiling. When I found out that race was a part of a 3 half marathon challenge I signed up for the next two. And yes... I finished those as well. One was in October 2012, a year after I started running, and the next was in February 2013.

Sad news though. Right before my 3rd half marathon, my brother's wife, Ruth, also passed away. It was December, a few days before Christmas. 17 months after Paul, she died from melanoma cancer that had traveled to her brain! She was given three months to live before she passed away. She barely made it two. Once she passed away I decided to stop envying those full marathon runners I saw at the end of every race, and stop saying, "Never." and "I can't do that." I decided to do a full, and to dedicate it to Paul and Ruth and raise money for melanoma cancer research. Which is what I did. If you scroll down to the first blog entry on here, you will read about that journey to my first full marathon. It may be my last, but I have learned... "Never say never!" And in that journey my life changed once again. Now I run for God... not just for Paul and Ruth and melanoma research.

So far I have run 7 half marathons. 5 organized races, and twice as a birthday run. And once I have run a full marathon. And that's why I call my blog, "I am only half crazy." Because I usually run halves, and although I did run a full... even I felt crazy for doing it! As they say, "A half marathon is half the length and twice the fun of a full!" So true! If you think I am crazy, I can find plenty more people that are crazier than I am, in the running department! I have met some amazing "crazy" people! Hahaha

Hope you enjoy my blog!! Thanks for reading my stories!

9/13/14 Divine Running Appointment

But, “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. 2Cor10:17-18

This blog entry is all about God, it's not about me. It's about how God used me. I am a vessel. I am not intending any of this to be boasting, but pray that my words only point your eyes towards Him, the one who orchestrated all these events in His infinite and glorious wisdom. I can only share a glimpse of His glory, God is far more amazing than even my words can say.


Earlier this week I received an email that said a story I submitted to the Run for God people has been chosen for their new devotional book, volume one. The story I submitted was about my marathon, which I shared a part of on my blog  26.2 Done!!!!! It's about not putting God in a box, not limiting what He is able to do in your life. As you can see the banner above, it will be available to purchase in November. I am not getting paid for this, but I am getting 10 free books! Yayyy! I can't wait to read it and share with others. I have been praying about the books, and who I should give them to. I can't wait to figure that all out. I am sure God has a plan.

Today I woke up at 6am for my regular Saturday morning run with my faith based running group, "RunningFriends4Life." I had just purchased a shirt from one of our members who is a graphic artist. She designed the group's logo and made me a shirt that says, "Run for God" on the back.

I wore that shirt this morning. When I got to our meet up spot there was a new lady there. Later she told me she saw the back of my shirt and said to herself, "Now that's a lady who gets me." Little did I know this new gal and I had a divine appointment this fine Saturday morning. (I Googled the phrase "Divine appointment" and found this definition: A divine appointment is a meeting with another person that has been specifically and unmistakably ordered by God. And that is what this was.)

Interesting side note: My brother is in town from the East Coast. He was thinking of joining me on this run. But he said last night that he wasn't really feeling that he would be ready to go this morning. He also would have only been able to hang with me for at most 3 miles, and our group generally runs about 6 miles every weekend... sometimes more. I was willing to just do 3 with him and go home. Or run home from the park and let him leave early. But, he didn't go. And I think this turned out to be a part of God's plan. Perhaps what happened next would never have even taken place.

Back to the story... This new gal, Dolly, asked what everyone's pace was. She was worried she was too slow. I said I run around a 10min pace on average, sometimes faster, but I didn't mind running with her if she was slower. She said she was a similar pace. The rest of the group is a tad faster, but I told her we are really good about not leaving anyone behind and that everyone waits for the last person to finish before leaving. And if someone is in the back alone, another person will go out and run with them to the end. Its a really supportive group. So, we headed off down the trail and as we chatted I decided to share with her that I was a Run for God Bible study leader and that I had this story that got accepted into a devotional. I told her it was about my marathon and trusting God. She said, "Tell me about what happened with your marathon." So, I started to share my story (partly told in my blog entitled (Music, Meditation, and Messages) and as I went along she was stunned. She said, "That's what is going on with me right now!" She is training for a marathon and she has been facing injuries. Hip problems, a foot issue, and a back problem. She was getting mixed messages, as I was, about whether to run the marathon or not. She said that her runs are really a time for her to spend with God and she wants to do her first marathon, with the goal of just finishing. She said it's about finishing what she started, and about her time with God. I absolutely understood where she was coming from. As she spoke I got goose bumps on my arms and my hairs were on end.

She didn't want the group to know she was training for a full, since she hadn't been running and wasn't even sure she would be doing it, and she was getting over injury etc. She also wasn't sure about sharing her reasons for running, such as spending time drawing closer to God and relying on Him for her strength and provision etc. But after I shared with her my story she felt relieved, and felt a sense that this was why she met with our group to run that day. We both agreed that this was God's plan.

I believe there is a Devil, and I believe that his will is to interfere with anything that brings God glory. My marathon became less about me and my fundraising efforts, and more... no ALL, about God. Through this experience of sacrificing myself and my desires for God's will and plan I have seen God use this simple act, such as running, and turn it into a divine act. My runs have been used to encourage, witness, and inspire others for Christ. They have also deepened my own walk with Christ. Those are things that the Devil is not happy with. I believe that often times these ailments (sore back, knee problems, hip problems, foot aches) are ways for Satan to try and thwart our plans, and derail us. But God is bigger and stronger than our enemy. And if we truly desire to seek after God and His ultimate will for our lives, then we can and will overcome the plans of the Evil One and see God use even the simplest things for His glory.

I'm not saying running a marathon is a "simple thing," but I told her that it is a lie that we all hear (as runners) that we must run the entire marathon distance. If her goal is simply to finish it, as was my goal, then she does not need to feel bad at all about stopping and walking once in a while. It is possible to walk an entire marathon. Many walkers have learned to "power walk" at a 15 min/mi pace. If you run at all, you are already ahead of the game. Every time you run you are ahead of the road closure cut off. If you have to walk, walk as fast as you can to keep a good pace. And when you feel you can run again, run. It's that simple. And you can finish your marathon.

She felt encouraged. I shared my PR half marathon pace was 10min/ mi before I ran the marathon. She said that is exactly her PR time! I shared about the electrolyte problem during my marathon and shared with her a good game plan on how to be prepared with food, water, and electrolytes during the race. I felt happy to share what I learned to make her race more successful. If I weren't out of town on the day of the race she is doing I would be very inclined to go to the race that day and be there on the sidelines to cheer her on at mile 16 or 18 or something like that. (As well as my other running friends that will be doing the half and the full.) But, if that were the Lord's will I am sure He would have made a way. But that weekend I will be with my daughter on an American Heritage Girls camping trip, which I decided is more important that running another race or standing on the sidelines to cheer on my running buddies.

I prayed with Dolly before she left. And thus ends the story of my divine appointment. I think this would be a good story to add to the speech/ testimony I will be giving to a ladies group at my church in November. Which I think is very cool that it happened to be booked for the month that the Run for God devotional comes out. If we give over what we love to God, to be used for His purposes, then look what could happen! He could use YOU as a vessel, to share His love and purpose with another person. AMEN! Praise God! To God be the glory!

(Thank you for being so amazing, Lord. And for choosing me as your vessel, I am honored and blessed.)

P.S. I will be giving Dolly one of the 10 books. I am certain she is one of the people that this book has been intended for. :)

6/21/14 Fastest Run of My Life!!

On June 21st, I ran my first real timed 10k. I ran a 10k in May with my SIL, but I didn't run it for time. I ran it with my son in a stroller and alongside my SIL who was having some knee issues. I told her I wasn't going to go ahead at all. We finished together, and it was fun to do that with my son as well. But this time, I ran with all I had and was shocked by how fast I finished!

My usual pace for a 10k (6.2 miles) is about 10 min per mile. And that's on a good day. I was hoping to finish this race in an hour or under. I had successfully practiced once at a 9:50 min per mile pace, so that is the best I had hoped for race day.

Before this particular race I had been leading a Bible Study called "Run for God." We met for a Bible Study and then we met to train for a 5k, and some for their first 10k. Much of the time I ran with them I was at a slower pace, because we would do intervals and stop to walk. But I enjoyed encouraging women to finish their first 5ks and 10ks. And I enjoyed sharing with them my personal journey of drawing closer to God through my time running and training for races.

Anyways, on race day my expectations were set and I headed out on my own. I wasn't running with anyone this time. It was my race to complete, and my time with God. I turned on my MP3 player, started out with some prayer, and just went as fast as my body wanted to go. I didn't turn on any GPS device, I didn't want to know how fast or slow I was going. I just wanted to do my best. Since this was my first timed 10k I knew that any finish time would be a PR for me anyways. I spent most of the race enjoying my music and worshiping God.

In this race you did the 5k loop twice. There was this long road with an incline that went for miles. Doing that portion the first time felt okay, but the second time was a challenge. But I managed to pass a few people that I had been behind the whole time the second time I went up this hill. The good part was, after you turned the corner a couple times you went DOWN the other way back to the start line. I guess it was during these down hill sections that I picked up some speed... I just can't figure it any other way!

On the final stretch to the finish line I thought a lot about the final finish line, death. (I know, sounds kind of morbid. But it was good!) I thought about the day I would see my Mom and my brother Paul again. I thought about all the saints in Heaven waiting there to cheer me on as I crossed that final line. I thought about how I yearned for that day to come, and yet how it was my time to stay here on earth and be used by God. He's not done with me yet, and I will remain here until He says its my time to come home to Him. And as I ran to the finish line the song, "Victor's Crown" was playing.  Appropriate, I thought.

When I got my official time I was floored!! I ran this race at an 8:31 min per mile pace!!! I placed 3rd in my age group! Granted there were only 14 women in my age group, but still! I have never placed or won a medal before! I thought that was very cool! My fastest pace is doing one mile in barely under 8 min. But that's about it for that speed. My fastest 5k is around 9:30 min per mile. So, is this what happens when you give your running to God? Thank you Lord for this extra little bonus blessing! It would have been more than enough to just have my class graduate and be proud of themselves!

I wore my "Run for God" shirt that day, and there were about 15 other women there wearing their's from my Bible Study. I can only hope that others were somehow impacted by our group and seeing our shirts. There was one man who approached me because he wanted to know how to start a "Run for God" group at his church. So, I guess there will be a sort of "paying it forward" type of impact from that day. Praise God!

5/10/14 A Meaningful 5k, and a Difficult 1/2 Marathon

I ran a 5k this past Saturday called iCureMelanoma. I joined a team with a friend. Her friend, Laura, is a melanoma cancer and a breast cancer survivor! She is in the pink shirt on the right. I told her the story of Paul and Ruth and that I would be wearing my shirt with their picture on it during the run. I was willing to pose for group shots in her shirt and show solidarity for the team, but I wanted to run for Paul and Ruth. She was more than understanding, she offered me the opportunity to release the team dove in memory of my brother Paul and his wife, my sister-in-love, Ruth! As soon as she offered I started crying. I couldn't even talk in response. I was overwhelmed by her love and generosity to me, a stranger. She had just met me!! But we were bonded by this common thread, melanoma cancer. A hideous and aggressive cancer. Before the dove release ceremony she said she wanted this other gal to join us and name her Dad as well., which of course I had no problem with. Laura came up too and named her cousin that passed away, I named my brother and Ruth, and the other gal named her Dad and then I released the dove. It was a beautiful and peaceful moment. I was in tears all leading up to that moment, but at that time I didn't even shed one tear. Strangely amazing.

The 5k was even more meaningful to me than running the LA Marathon in Paul and Ruth's memory and raising over $1450 for the Melanoma Research Foundation. I find that amazing. All that hard work and toil and suffering, and this little 5k event was making more of an impact on me! I think it was seeing all the teams walking around in their matching shirts, to honor a loved one they lost, or to support a loved one that was battling melanoma cancer. At one point all the survivors got on the stage for a photo, one lady barely had any of her nose left! But there she was, alive! Fighting this horrible cancer and winning! The young man that won 2nd place in the competitive 5k was a melanoma survivor too! It was wonderful seeing him standing there, strong, vibrant and alive. He had caught the melanoma early enough and was there living a full and healthy life, encouraging others to get their skin checked regularly. Early detection is KEY with this cancer. We need to be diligent in checking our skin every six months and report anything suspicious to our doctors. Like my brother use to say, "When in doubt, cut it out!" If its suspicious just get rid of it! Don't wait! Once its in your lymph-nodes and gets to your internal organs it is like liquid death! In Ruth's case she never got a melanoma removed from her skin. It just showed up in her brain! And less than three months later she was gone... just like that!

Here is a picture of Paul and Ruth. They were both fair skinned with reddish brown hair, he had light eyes. She had lots of freckles. Those things are all factors in increasing one's risk for melanoma. But it can happen to anyone, of any color. I remember him bugging her to get some spots checked out. She seemed to not want to bother with it. I don't think she ever got any skin check ups. Unfortunately. She had the sweetest spirit about her. He was all spit and vinegar, but had the soul of a poet. They balanced each other out well. She wouldn't take any guff from him AT ALL. Which he needed. Someone to put him in his place, but love the dickens out of him anyways.  

I decided last minute to run a 1/2 marathon the day after I ran the 5k. It was the same one that was my first 1/2 and many friends of mine were running it. Actually one of my friends I run with all the time, and PR'd with at another 1/2 back in October last year, was running it. So I decided to try to run with him and repeat that experience! Well, it didn't quite work out that way. I had been sick the week before and was on antibiotics and taking essential oils and vitamins to try and kill it off before the weekend. Even though I had been doing all his long runs with him my body did not want to cooperate with me and keep up with him this time. The one in October felt effortless. This one I was struggling to keep the pace with him. I just wanted to stop. It was only mile 3 and I kept asking him if he was going to stop and walk to take his Gu. But he said, next water stop. Then that came and went and he was still running. I asked again, "Are you going to stop and Gu?" He said he would at mile 4 and then slow his pace a bit too, we were heading up a hill and he wanted to get that behind him. (A "Gu" is a energy supplement runners often use during long runs.) I told him I wasn't feeling that great and I may lose him. He said he would try to do half of the race together before we separate. But as that hill climbed and he pressed ahead I felt him slipping away. I just couldn't do it. I felt a need to stop and hydrate. I had worn my water back pack and had put my electrolyte tablets in it, since it was over 80* out that day. So, I let him go and stopped to drink.

As I pressed on I listened to my body, when it said "Stop and drink!" I did. I felt the Lord was there guiding me again, as He had done during my marathon. I decided to listen up and do what I needed to do to survive this race. I was feeling like Forest Gump, that moment in the movie where he stops running in the middle of the desert, turns around and says, "I'm going home. I am done." But I thought, "No, I need to keep going." I thought about the inspirational posts from a group of runners in the #MegsMiles Support group. Many times runners have moments where they don't want to lace up and get out the door, or they have overcome weight challenges, or they have pushed themselves and surpassed a goal. Those inspirational posts on Facebook reminded me to keep moving, to not give up.

At one point I heard a lady behind me say she was thirsty, I had a bottle of water in my pack that I was carrying for my friend. I told her she could have it. I explained my friend was ahead of me, and that I had packed it for him. She laughed and said she had some Jolly Ranchers on her if I wanted one. Her boyfriend was with her and we all joked a bit back and forth about passing out in the heat, and if I passed out I said to go ahead and grab the water and some electrolyte tablets and keep running. She said she would pop a Jolly Rancher in my mouth and keep going. Hahaha. They said they had seen me in front of them for most of the race. I had seen them a couple times too, they stood out with these cute little mini Cinco de Mayo hats on their heads. I told them about the picture I pinned on the back of my backpack, (the one that is above). I told them about Paul's perseverance through the pain and how that kept me going when I had to dig deep and get through a tough run (like that day). I also ended up sharing the verse I had above their picture. Romans 5: 3-4 says, "...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Well, the man ended up using my water bottle after all. We stuck together until mile 10 and I told them I was going to stop, walk for a minute, and take my Gu. They said, "See you later!" But I never caught up with them after that. Mile 10 brought another grueling incline with it, and more walking. But I pushed through the heat, the tiredness, and the desire to give up. I made it to the end. I finished in 2:32:26, my previous PR was 2:11:23. But that's okay. I was alive, I was doing something many people would never think of being able to do in their lifetime, and I made some friends along the journey and shared my story and my faith. Overall, another successful run.

3/9/14 26.2 Done!

Sunday March 9, 2014 I ran my first full marathon, the iconic LA Marathon. I ran it in memory of my brother Paul and his wife Ruth, who both passed away from Melanoma Cancer, and raised money for Melanoma Cancer Research. I passed my goal by 31%! I finished the race in just under 6 hours, 5:59:15, which was the longest I wanted it to take. Meaning, on a good day I could probably have done it in 5 hours, I was expecting more realistically to finish in 5 1/2 hrs, but I also knew that if there were any snags along the way it could easily take me 6 hours to finish. And there were snags. There were many pros, and a few cons. But the overall experience was a good one.

The first con was that we had to change our clocks ahead one hour, which makes going to bed early and getting enough sleep a difficult task. The pro to the clocks being ahead one hour is that it actually started a little earlier in the morning, and we got an extra hour in cooler weather. But the sun did eventually come and out and was baking us at 80 degrees Fahrenheit. And the whole season we trained the weather was in the 50s to 60s. So, this made it difficult to be on top of your game.

I got maybe 3 hours of deep sleep, the rest of the night I tossed and turned until 3am (which felt like 2am). My running friend and I slept at my best friend's house and her husband got up early to drive us to the start. We left around 4 am (near LAX) and arrived around 5am. It actually wasn't that bad of a wait time getting into the parking lot and the facilities at Dodger's Stadium were nice. We had clean bathrooms, the stadium seating was warmer than waiting outside by the start line. And they played the course map on the jumbo tron, which I liked quite a bit. It showed little pop ups of the iconic sites along the route as well as the elevation at each mile.

I met up with a couple other running friends, they did the run/ walk interval 20 mile training with me, after I sent off my other friend to her coral with wishes of good luck. (She runs faster than me and she had assigned placement because she had ran a marathon before and they put you in "seeded" corrals according to expected pace.) So I met up with these other ladies and their friends. We all started together and I decided to stay with two of them and do 6 min run/ 1 min walk intervals together. They did such a good job of helping me through my first 20 that I wanted to stick with them for moral support. Its a bit more fun to run with people, even if we didn't stay with each other the whole time it was nice to have company for as long as we could hang together. We all agreed that if anyone had to stop due to any issues we wouldn't hold the others back if they felt strong enough to charge ahead.

Mile after mile passed and one gal kept saying, "Mile (fill in blank) already?" We were taking it easy, we knew the heat was going to be a killer and we didn't want to push ourselves too hard and have nothing to give in the end. Mile 7 I had to take my first potty break, but it was a good time to stretch, turn on my music, and check text messages/ text my husband. I thought he would like to know I was okay.

The second MAJOR con was that there was absolutely NO Gatorade left for people at a slower pace, like myself. They ran out of Gatorade and at every stop I searched for some and didn't find any. I lost my two running friends at mile 12, when I bee lined across the street to an area that looked like they had Gatorade set out. But when I got there it was still just water. Water is good for hydration, but you lose electrolytes when you sweat, and in the grueling heat we were sweating even more than usual. We did thank the Lord for some cloud coverage and a cool breeze that we were able to enjoy until mile 10. But by this point I knew I was going to need something very soon, or start paying the price.

My friends had brought powder packets and a water bottle and they were pouring those into the bottle and having the volunteers fill them up when they went through the water stations. Then they would take a couple cups of water and drink those and pour one on their head. I had decided not to carry a water bottle because I thought I was being paranoid and would start to be annoyed by carrying it around for the whole race. When I ran half marathons I never needed to carry water, I found the stations located at each mile were sufficient to supply my hydration needs. But those gals were smart, I should have done what they did. But I'm a newbie to this marathon business, I didn't know any better. Anyways... as I said, I lost track of them at mile 12 searching for some Gatorade and although I scanned around for them for a bit I decided to just keep moving forward when I couldn't spot them. I figured either they passed me and I would catch up or they were behind me and they might be able to find me again.

As I resigned the the possibility that the rest of the race was going to be just me and my iShuffle a song came on, my theme song! "Oceans!" At this point I just smiled and said, "Okay God, you promised to help me get through this. I don't have any Gatorade and I don't know how long my legs are going to hold up, but I know you will help me." One of the verses I had read, when I had to take a break from running to heal my knee, said "Do not fear, I will help you." That's in Isaiah 41:13. Then I started to thank the Lord for all my supporters that donated money for Melanoma Research, and then I remembered my friend's specific prayer request, she had asked me to pray for her during my time with the Lord while I was running the marathon. I gladly said yes, she is always praying for me! God bless her precious heart. At that moment her song started to play on my iShuffle. Every time "Speak Life" by Toby Mac played on the radio I would think of her and pray for her. I just thought, Wow... God is so good. What good timing! I didn't play every song on my iShuffle that day, you see. I had skipped a few songs that were too slow or didn't have the beat I wanted at the moment. I had over 5 hours of music on my play list and I hadn't started playing it until mile 7, so I had quite a bit of songs that I knew I wouldn't even hear... so skipping a few here and there was no big deal. So the timing was all a God thing, people. He so often uses music to speak to me, it always blows me away when He does that.

By mile 14 one of the ladies caught up with me during my walk break. She ran up to me and said, "You aren't suppose to be walking right now!" haha... I said, "According to my watch it is!" jokingly. (I was going off her watch's pacing earlier, and when I lost her I started the interval sequence on my watch, which was out of sync.) I was able to sync up my watch with hers (she was all impressed that I knew how to do that, since I was borrowing this watch from another running buddy... lol). And she then told me if I could hang in there until mile 15 or so that she had some friends on the sidelines waiting for her and they had water bottles and stuff to put in the water. When we found them they hurried to provide me with everything I needed! They gave me nuun tablets, put a whole bunch in a ziploc baggie for me, and poured some zipp fizz into my water to give me some nourishment. Then plopped a orange in my hand as I ran off to catch up with my friend who said she was going to start up again. With a water bottle under my arm pit, peeling the meat out of the orange, and chucking the peal to the side, and trying to figure out a spot to shove my treasured new nunn tablets I started running. It was kind of funny. But I was blessed. The Lord provided.

My whole body was starting to cramp up as we passed mile 17. My toes were curling under, like I had a charlie horse in both feet, and a band across my waist, from the left side to my right, was cramping. And I had side stitches. By calves were also starting to feel tight and I knew that "the wall" was coming my way. I kept breaking the tablets and plopping them into my treasured new water bottle, and had it refilled at every station, but it was taking a while for the electrolytes and nutrients to kick in. I almost felt sick to my stomach from having so much pumped into me at this point, but I was desperate to refuel my body before it just failed on me and refused to move.

I told my friend at mile 19, during our walk break, that I wouldn't be able to run at the next interval start time. I told her I was going to head for the bathrooms and let her know she was free to finish her race without me. I was going to be okay. She was still doing well, going strong and steady. So she went on ahead. I took a moment to check in with my husband again. Had a good chuckle over a auto-correct message that looked like this: "Just passed mile 19 everything is cramping up the rent out of gero some eggs finally gave me something so hopefully that'll help." I know the "gero some eggs" was suppose to be Gatorade, the rest I have no idea. LOL. I texted JD after I read what I had sent. "That was supposed to say Gatorade... lol" He texted back, "We are laughing. Almost done. We are excited to see you cross."  It made for a good laugh in a very tough moment. I warned him I was just walking at that point, and I would try to pick it back up when I could.

I just chugged and chugged those Nuun tablets. Mile after mile, take a water cup, drink it, drink another one, pour a cup on my head, refill water bottle with the Nuun tablet inside. Repeat. Every pretzel and orange and banana offered by those AWESOME strangers and marathon supporters on the sidelines I took. I ate, I drank, and then.... I peed. And I peed. And I peed.... you get the gist. LOL. I literally had to stop at every porto-potty every mile. It was annoying, but it meant I was getting re-hydrated.

The farthest I had gone was 20 miles in practice. And when I passed mile 21 I just got this rush of energy back. I felt amazing. Adrenaline, endorphins, runners high... it all happened. I started to pickup up my feet and run. I turned up the volume on my iShuffle and worshipped God and offered my legs up to Him. I knew they were His, they were no longer mine. He was going to get me to that finish line. He provided me all the nutrients, electrolytes, and encouragement I needed to get my engine revving again. Every high five from a stranger on the sideline, every perfectly placed bite of food, it was all God's provision.

I checked my fancy borrowed Garmin watch (hee) and checked out my new running pace. 10 min per mile! It stayed somewhere between there and 10:30 the whole time. I would still stop at every stinking porto-potty at every mile, LOL, but when I started running again I was doing my best. I was flying... soaring! (Just like that verse in Isaiah, "They will soar on wings of eagles") I felt amazing! I passed mile 25 and I couldn't wait to turn that corner onto Ocean Blvd and text JD that I was almost to the finish line.

As I turned onto Oceans Blvd I had a tough time getting a message through using my voice activated mode, so I had to stop running for a second. I found a shady spot under a tree and texted two words. "Oceann" "npw" and kept going. I scanned the side lines, as I got closer, for the familiar faces of my friends and my husband. Soon enough there they were. They started cheering loudly, I started pumping my fist in the air, and then the people around them saw me and they started cheering loudly for me! It was amazing! I saw my husband's proud smiling face, as he held up his phone to film my first time ever finishing a full marathon. It was priceless. I looked ahead and saw the finish line and I dug even deeper and ran as hard as I could until I crossed it. Finished just under 6 hours, perfect. It was just perfect.

The part where my husband tried to find me at the "family reunion area" was the final con. It was difficult for him to navigate around road closures and figure out where I was. But it was over. And he was there. And I was triumphant. God provided, I felt amazing. It was a good day. Praise God!

2/27/14 10 More Days!!!!

I only have 10 days until the LA Marathon! I have lost my desire to go to the gym, but am trying to stay motivated. I'm tired and burned out from all these long months of training. I decided to sit down and write out all the days left on a list. I planned out my rest days first, then I planned my work outs and then realized I only have 5 days of work outs left. So, I can suck it up and go.

I ran 8.4 miles on Tuesday night. I tested out my knee with a 10:30min pace for 4.5 miles. Then I took it easy and walk/ jogged for the rest of the time. I wanted to see how my knee felt after a run. Well, that night the spot on my right knee did hurt a bit more. And the next day at work I felt it, I usually don't feel anything walking around on it during the day.

When I really evaluate things though its not all that bad. My knee pain on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the most pain I've ever been in) the pain is a 1. After the run it was around 3.5. The following day it was a 2.5, and by the end of the day it was a 1 again. So, really... is it all that bad? I was kind of freaking out that it hurt more yesterday, I was hoping it wouldn't hurt any worse. I was imagining the difference in 26.2 miles and 8.4 miles and how that would equate to even more pain in my knee. But at this point there is nothing more I can do about it. I have to continue to trust God. In fact, right after my run the Hillsong United song, "Oceans," came on the radio. Its been my theme song as I train and try my best to rest my knee while continuing my training. I know that all I can do is train the best I know how to, in this circumstance, and that God can get me through to the finish line.

Oh, in other news I reached my fundraising goal for Melanoma Cancer Research! I am currently at 103%!! I am so happy I was able to reach it and surpass it. I have some really great friends who were able to donate generously to my cause. Its been an emotional journey raising money in honor of my brother and his wife. Especially remembering my brother. When I compare my "pain" to the pain he endured during the last decade of his life I really can't complain. If he felt what I feel he would be like, "I'm feeling great!" But that's the difference between Paul and me. Even when we were kids it took a lot for my parents to get through to him. He seemed to get spanked regularly and always got yelling matches with them when he was angry. He was very strong willed. But for me, all I had to do is observe what was going on with him and I tried to obey my parents and never receive a spanking. I probably only received a handful in my lifetime with them. I was always devastated or embarrassed when they had to spank me. I hated to screw up so bad that they felt a spanking was in order. I also never raised my voice to my parents, and to this day I hate being in conflict. God doesn't have to do much to get me to listen to Him. He gives me a little tiny ache in my knee and I halt and say, "What does this mean? What do I need to do?" I am the epitome of the word "cautious." Paul on the other hand, not so much. LOL

This Saturday I am going to cut off my hair and give 10" to locks of love. I've been growing it since the end of 2011, shortly after Paul passed away... when my husband quit his job to be home with me and the kids. For some reason this idea of cutting my hair has made me very emotional. When Paul started taking Bikram Yoga classes he stopped cutting his hair. So his hair was down to the middle of his back. Mine is probably just a bit longer right now. I think he would tell me to suck it up, that cutting my hair isn't that big of a deal. I can hear him saying, "It's just hair." One of the main reasons I am cutting it is so people can read the back of my shirt I made to wear during my marathon. It has Paul and Ruth's picture on the back and says I am running for Melanoma Research. So I still want to do it. I am kind of over my hair being so long and always getting in my way. I just wish it would stop making me cry just thinking about cutting it and thinking about Paul! But maybe it will be a cathartic moment, and I will feel better afterwards.

2/18/14 Biking for Training?

I am currently at 85% of my fundraising goal for Melanoma Research Foundation! My goal is to raise $40 for every mile of my 26.2 trek through L.A. I have less then 4 miles to cover at this point! So exciting. And now I have less than 18 days left of training to do.

Saturday I rode a bike 33 miles for training. Since I have been avoiding any more long miles in hopes that my right knee won't get worse. I don't have much pain. And I walk normally on it throughout my day. Sometimes I feel like I'm being overly paranoid or cautious, but then I run a little on the treadmill and I feel that same spot aching a bit more. I would get an MRI or a bone scan, but I feel like its pointless. The doctor said even if it is a stress fracture it may not even show up since its probably very small right now. I will have to rest it if I have one, and I am already resting my knee. And the doctor said I can still run the marathon, but afterwards it could be worse. I think I will wait until after the L.A. marathon to check it out. I will then need to know how bad it is and if walking for exercise is not allowed, or even biking or the elliptical. I have been doing mostly elliptical cardio at the gym for my run training, and then the bike I used this past weekend to simulate a long run. I will probably do that again this weekend. I was suppose to run 22 miles this last weekend and then run 12 miles this weekend. I just think if I do all that mileage I won't be able to run/ walk the marathon at all afterwards. I would rather spend my last run doing the real deal. And then just rest it for a couple months.

I think I will keep running once my knee feels back to normal. But I won't be doing any marathons anytime again in the near future. I think a few 5ks this year and a half marathon next year sounds like a good plan. I even would like to start training for triathlons eventually. But I have to figure out how to fit all the training needed into my schedule, as well as getting the equipment I need for biking and finding a way to swim, since I don't belong to a gym with a pool. (Minor details.) I borrowed my neighbor's bike this past weekend. And my friend that I rode with suggested finding a used road bike on Craig's list. We'll see. I have this marathon to get through first, and some recovery time afterwards for my knee... then I will start thinking about more marathons, or half marathons, or triathlons.

That's all the training news I have for today.

2/4/14 Music, Meditation, and Messages

After I ran the 20 miler Sunday I ran 5 miles on Thursday evening, doing more run/ walk intervals for practice. I finished those at a 11min per mile pace. My goal for the marathon would be around 11:30 min per miles. So I was happy with that. On Saturday I felt a slight ache in my right knee but I decided to run again, planning on doing the run/ walk intervals. I didn't stick to the intervals because I was into talking to my running buddies and didn't think it was that big of a deal since it was a short run. I ended up doing 7 miles with a few walk breaks. The next day I noticed that the achy pain in my knee didn't go away with rest, stretching, icing, or ibuprofen. This was not a good sign. From my reading on stress fractures that is one warning sign you have a problem, that even during your sleep you feel a dull ache. The problem with dull aches is that you don't notice them while you are running, therefore if a stress fracture develops while you run you don't know its happened yet. It's pretty normal to feel a little achy while you run in general anyways. I try my best to not run through pain, but dull aches I usually ignore and then just ice it when I get home and take ibuprofen.

After I noticed the ache again, and that it wasn't going away, I started worrying. Maybe I do have a stress fracture after all! So I talked to running friends about not doing my training runs and just focusing on cardio so I could give my knee time to heal. They all think I'm smart to rest it, that I'm prepared for the marathon. I just have to keep in shape until the big day. A friend of mine that has IT band issues with her knee said to prepare for my run with bike riding. That's what she does before her half marathons. She said even though she doesn't run much before the race she feels the bike riding is sufficient to prepare her. Right now it makes sense to me. I don't need to convince myself that I can go the full distance of the 26.2 miles anymore. I was able to do the run/ walk intervals for 20 miles at an average 11:30 min per mile pace. Even if I were to stop and walk the rest of the 6.2 miles I would be done with the marathon in 5hrs and 30 min at most. (If I were to run the same way and feel the same way I did that day.) I would be happy to finish in 6 hrs, honestly. What I need to prepare myself for is 5 or 6 hours of moving continuously. Its not about practicing running anymore.

I got sick on Saturday, and was home from work Monday and Tuesday. So I decided to open my Bible, read, pray, listen to worship music, and listen for God. I've been trying to rely on God more, trust Him more, pray more etc. I don't want the run to be about me. I want to honor God in what I am doing. I know that I can not succeed in my plans without His support. And I really wanted to know if He was supporting me in this. What happened over the course of Monday and Tuesday was a full on Spiritual battle. I really didn't understand why there would be such a battle over me running the marathon. But looking back I see that I was really using the time running as time to listen to God, to seek His face, and mature spiritually. I even put a verse on the back of my shirt that I will be running in: Romans 5:3-4 "... suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope." (I talked about this a bit in my post "Running and Memorializing") I meditate on the songs that play on my ipod shuffle. Sometimes I don't listen to my ipod and a song will play on repeat. Just like I talked about in that post, "Oceans" by Hillsong United played over and over in my mind. Its a meditative and worshipful time when I run. And the times I talk to my running buddies we often have very deep conversations, and share spiritual insights. I think these are good reasons for Satan to not be to happy about me running the marathon. It gives me time to think about God, to meditate on his word and to witness to people through my shirt and my story, as I share it with my fellow runners. My running glorifies God in so many ways, if I really think about it. I think Satan wants to discourage me. He wants me to stop running. He doesn't want any one else to be witnessed to.

Since the song "Oceans" played in my head so often when I ran, and I heard it come on the radio so much recently, I decided to write out the words and really pay attention. God must be trying to say something to me. He tends to use music to speak to my heart, since I am a musician and love to sing. I then turned to scripture to dig deeper into the message he sent me. I read the words, I meditated on them, and I opened up the Bible and read anything that related to the song. Here are the words to that beautiful song, and what they mean for me right now:

"You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail." = The L.A. Marathon is my great unknown. I have never run one, I have no idea what is going to happen. I don't know if I will succeed or if my feet (or knee) will fail me. But God is telling me "Go... do it. I will be with you." I read Isaiah 41:13, and at the end of that verse it says, "Do not fear, I will help you." And that struck me. Like God was saying that to me now. I am not alone in this.

"And there I find you in the mystery, in Oceans deep, my faith will stand." = I'm in the midst of this injury, but I need to stand on my faith that God is able to heal me. And if its His will, He will heal me. Or that he will help me do what he is calling me to do, even if I have a stress fracture. That he won't ask me to do this if it will permanently injure me. Even the Doctor I saw said that the level my stress fracture was at was not going to disable me permanently. It would just require a few weeks of rest from running.

"I will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace. For I am yours, and you are mine." = Ask God for help. Look up at him, and trust him. Lean on him. He loves me, and I love him.

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed, and you won't stop now." = God likes to use our weaknesses to glorify His name. See Corinthians 12:7-10. The Lord says to Paul, "My power is made perfect in weakness." Paul ends the chapter with, "For when I am weak I am strong." God equips the called, he doesn't call the equipped. We learn to rely on God that way, not on our own abilities and talents. And in this way we cannot fail to do what He asks of us. He always gives us the ability to do what He is asking of us. He cannot fail, even if I am a failure in my own strength.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me." = This particular phrase repeats quite a bit in the song and is the part that plays most often when I play it in my head. I meditate on this phrase quite a bit. What really hit me this day was that I needed to TRUST God without putting limitations on him. Don't limit God and go where he calls me. I think I was doing this, limiting God. I was saying where the borders were and calling the shots. But God is stronger than I give him credit for. I didn't realize I was doing that, not giving him enough trust for his ability to heal me, to carry me through a marathon, and to use me in a mightier way than I could possibly imagine.

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger; in the presence of my Savior." = That's really what all this running is doing for me. Especially facing a marathon with a hurt knee. My faith is being made stronger, and I am walking in the presence of God as I meditate on songs that Glorify Him and think about what he wants to say to me that day, in that moment. I dive deeper into my soul, the chamber where God resides inside of me. And I commune with him in a deeper way than any other time. I am quiet, listening to him, for several hours. Its really a wonderful experience. No wonder I have stuck with my running for over two years now!

There is a wonderful verse, Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." This one always comes to mind when I make a goal. Anything that has to do with my future I need to commit it to the Lord. It's only by his grace that I can run, or that I will not be sick or injured before a race and able to complete it. Or that even when I am hurting that I can complete it.

Of course I decided to ask for prayer from my friends, and my church. When all else fails, pray. Don't be anxious, pray, and God will give you peace, right? (Philippians 4:6-7) But once I did that I got some responses that were discouraging. And it makes sense, no one wants me to run and hurt myself and be permanently injured, or unable to walk for months. Many people told me to listen to God, to not do something that was too difficult to do. To not injure myself. But what I don't think they got is that I am doing my best to heal. I am praying for healing. I am not trying to injure myself. And I am listening to God. I am having faith in God that he will heal me, because he seems to be behind this whole running idea. I am giving myself 5 full weeks off of running here, people! And I am having faith that my body will be rested, healed, but still able to run even though I stopped running. And when I say "run" I don't actually mean I am going to run full force down a 26.2 mile course without stopping, like I'm some sort of super Olympian athlete! I will be doing quite a bit of walking. And, like I said before, I have no problem walking 6 miles, or 10 miles, or whatever the Lord has me do. I'm going to listen to my body. I am not going to push myself to run on a knee that is buckling underneath me. I won't even finish the race if I can't walk it. I will remove myself and say, "This was not the day God has given me to run this marathon." And I will go home. But I have 5 weeks to heal! Today is not the day to give up. I can even arrive on race day and start and decide, "I need to go home. Its just not going to happen for me right now." I can rest my knee and do other forms of cardio, and then a few days before the race I can see a Doctor again if it still hurts. I can get an MRI if I am worried that its not healing. THEN I can cancel my run. But today, today is not the day to give up.

As I meditated on God's word some of the "Greatest Hits" came up, and they all work for what I am going through:

The Lord will guide me always (Isaiah 58:11)

Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4)

God works for the good of those who love him. (Romans 8:28)

God gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40:29)

God will meet all my needs. (Philippians 4:19)

God has plans for me, plans to prosper me not to harm me. Plans to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

If I trust in the Lord with all my heart, not lean on my own understanding, submit to him, he will make my paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

The testing of my faith produces perseverance. (James 1:1-4)

If I lack wisdom I need to ask God for it and not doubt that he will provide that to me. (James 1:5-6)

The Lord gives me wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. (Proverbs 2:6)

1/26/14 20 Miles!!!!

Today I met up with a different group to run with. Just 3 ladies were there today from the group, but that was fine. We all are running in the L.A. Marathon and today they had a 20 mile run planned. I was going to do the 18 miles a couple weeks ago to be prepared for today, but then I had to be on knee rest. But I decided to just go for 20 with them today still. It might have been my last chance for a long run anyways. I wasn't sure how my knee was going to hold up after this.

The reason I chose to run with these ladies today is because one of them I had discussed needing to run slower and they run at a slower 11:30 min/ mile pace. And she said they run in intervals. Today they did an 8 min run/ 1 min walk interval. I thought this would be perfect for my needs to run slower and to preserve my knee. I also was ready to run with a group that wasn't taking off into the distance and leaving me in the dust. I had run with an older gentleman a couple times, and another man the same age as me a couple times, in the other group. But I still was hoping to find slower paced and like minded runners to help me get through a long 20 mile run without injury. I'm hoping that I can run along with them during the Full Marathon, as far as I can. I am sure we will all break off at one point or another. Runners don't like to hold other runners back from accomplishing their PR (personal record). My PR will just be to finish, since this is my first full marathon.

The weather was perfect. It was cool, but not cold. It was slightly overcast, so I didn't even need to wear my sunglasses. And the course we ran on was pretty flat, just a few minor hills on the trail. The interval running worked for me very well. I plan on running all long distances just like that in the future. By the end I felt I was going slower, but the pace really was pretty much the same the whole way through from beginning to end. We finished in exactly 4 hours. But I paused my GPS when we took bathroom breaks, so the run time was actually only 3 hrs and 50 min. And my friend was right, the pace did come out to be 11:30 min/ mile in the end. Which I think is a perfect pace for my first marathon! I did 10 min/ mile at my last half marathon, but I know I can't keep that up for 26.2 miles!

Now that I have the 20 miles under my belt I can relax. I don't have to worry about being able to run any more long miles. But, there is an opportunity to do 22 miles in a few weeks. I am not sure if I will actually attempt 22. I want to make sure my knees are ready for the real deal.

In the end today my knees were fine, though. And during the run there wasn't any pain. So I know I didn't have a stress fracture. There is no way that could be true. I may have been on the verge of giving myself a stress fracture. If I had run 18 miles that one weekend that may be the case right now. But I think taking the break and not pushing myself to far to soon was the right call. Praise the Lord! I am so happy right now! I am feeling prepared for the big day! Bring it on!

1/21/14 Running and Memorializing

I had to refrain from running for a week to give my knee a chance to heal (Doctor's orders). I was going to just go to my boot camp and focus on cross training. But then the Santa Ana winds started rolling in and I got light headed and felt nauseated from allergies. So, I took the entire week off from any form of excercise (actually, not true. I did some ab work outs. LOL). It was actually a nice break from all the early morning workouts. It was ironic though, I had just written out my workout schedule for January and February. I had done everything the week previously perfectly, the way I had planned it all out... and here I was already putting a hault on things.

For my first run after my week break I was going to start out with 18 miles, but then decided to just do 12 with my friend, Dr. John, who ran the Long Beach 1/2 with me. That was his running goal this past Saturday. We finished 11.5 miles together and then I headed out for another 1/2 hour of running/ walking to be done by 9am with the rest of the 18 miler runners in my L.A. marathon training group. My knees held up very well, so I was pleased. But I was already running out of steam and slowing down by the end of the 11.5 miles. So, I walked and jogged for the next half hour, completing 13.6 miles total. That was enough for the day. I didn't want to push myself to hard or to far since I had taken a whole week break from running or working out.

I ended up dedicating my run to a fellow runner who passed away that Monday, 1/13/2014. She was a part of the Virginia chapter of Moms Run This Town. I belong to the Anaheim Hills, CA chapter. A notice was sent out to all the chapters that this Mom, Meg Menzies, was hit by a drunk driver on a Monday morning when she went out for a run! She was a Mom of 3. It was heartbreaking news. The friend/ fellow runner of Meg's asked us to dedicate our runs on Saturday to her, they called the virtual event #MegsMiles. I decided to dedicate this inaugural run, on my possibly stress fractured knee, to Meg. Bring purpose to the pain. (Seems to be my new motto these days.)

The entire time I ran this song played in my head by Hillsong United called  "Oceans", Its very meditative, but I didn't remember all the words. Later I went home and played it on YouTube. It made me bawl. I am running the L.A. Marathon to memorialize my brother Paul and raise money for Melanoma Cancer Research. So I was carrying him in my thoughts along with Meg and her family during my run. I truly believe my running has been a way for me to mourn the loss of my brother. It's been a physical challenge that I have gained a lot of self satisfaction from, but its also a time when I reflect on the pain and suffering of my brother and how the pain and the suffering I feel during a long run is nothing compared to what he had to deal with.

Not only was there pain and suffering from the melanoma tumors growing in his groin and abdomen, but he had already suffered from an 80 foot fall out of a Redwood tree several years earlier. Yup, that's right... an 80 foot fall from a Redwood. He was doing contract work for the government, climbing trees to count the nests of a particular bird that I believe was endangered. He could have died, but his back was so muscular and strong from being a rock climber (think guy hanging off the face of a cliff, that was him) that his muscles actually held his spine in place when it broke. They put three long screws into his spine to put him back together. He had a lot of nerve damage due to that impact on his back (no kidding). The damaged nerves would send shooting pains up his back and he said it would feel like a dagger was stabbing him. These pains came and went throughout the day. We would be talking and all of a sudden he would jump up and cry out in anguish. He would apologize, but I never felt it was necessary. "Do whatever you have to do to deal with the pain." Is what I would tell him.

He decided to not drug himself to stop feeling the pain, he didn't want to just sit on the couch and become sedentary. He kept climbing and looking for a better way to relieve the pain. He tried everything, even acupuncture. He ended up finding Bikram Yoga, that thing you may have heard of called "hot yoga," and that was the only thing that gave him relief from all the nerve pain and helped him learn to manage the pain signals to his brain. Then he liked it so much that he decided to become a Bikram Yoga instructor. It was this choice that brought him to Ruth, his wife. (They married one month before he passed away.)

So, all of that back pain, PLUS the pain from the melanoma cancer inside his body, is what he was dealing with in his last year of life. It made me cry every time I visited him. He had the shooting dagger pains in his back coming and going, and then when he was digesting food he would feel pain from that. And going to the bathroom was a whole other story. Poor guy. It was just truly awful. But he handled every bit of it so well. And he never stopped believing in God or blamed God for horrible things happening in his life. He kept his faith and drew nearer and nearer to God. Often counseling myself and our family in the process, instead of us bringing him comfort. Just amazing.

And if you know me you know the rest of the story. He died July 2011 and then his wife was diagnosed with melanoma cancer in her brain over a year later. She was given only 3 months to live, and passed away in December 2012. Wow. We were all stunned. After that I decided to do the thing that seemed impossible, run a full marathon, and do it in their memory.

Now when I train and I feel pain I think of Paul. All that pain and suffering, and for what? I have a couple verses that I think fit very well and answer that question. This is the one I decided to put on the back of my shirt for the L.A. Marathon, above a picture of Paul and Ruth: Romans 5:3b-4 "...we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Another good verse is Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Paul embodies both those verses to me. He was a man that suffered daily that had figured out how to persevere. He was a man of character. And he had hope, even in death. And today he is in Heaven in the glorious new body that God had awaiting him. Praise God! And that gives me more comfort than you could ever know! These are the things that I meditate on when I run those long training runs and I feel like I am suffering, and my body is in pain. My brother is my motivation, and my pain is a tool for me to learn to persevere despite it. I pray that this journey builds character in me and that I can share with others the hope we have in Christ through the story of this journey. May all of this be for the glory of God and not for my own boasting. Amen!