I ran 8.4 miles on Tuesday night. I tested out my knee with a 10:30min pace for 4.5 miles. Then I took it easy and walk/ jogged for the rest of the time. I wanted to see how my knee felt after a run. Well, that night the spot on my right knee did hurt a bit more. And the next day at work I felt it, I usually don't feel anything walking around on it during the day.
When I really evaluate things though its not all that bad. My knee pain on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the most pain I've ever been in) the pain is a 1. After the run it was around 3.5. The following day it was a 2.5, and by the end of the day it was a 1 again. So, really... is it all that bad? I was kind of freaking out that it hurt more yesterday, I was hoping it wouldn't hurt any worse. I was imagining the difference in 26.2 miles and 8.4 miles and how that would equate to even more pain in my knee. But at this point there is nothing more I can do about it. I have to continue to trust God. In fact, right after my run the Hillsong United song, "Oceans," came on the radio. Its been my theme song as I train and try my best to rest my knee while continuing my training. I know that all I can do is train the best I know how to, in this circumstance, and that God can get me through to the finish line.
Oh, in other news I reached my fundraising goal for Melanoma Cancer Research! I am currently at 103%!! I am so happy I was able to reach it and surpass it. I have some really great friends who were able to donate generously to my cause. Its been an emotional journey raising money in honor of my brother and his wife. Especially remembering my brother. When I compare my "pain" to the pain he endured during the last decade of his life I really can't complain. If he felt what I feel he would be like, "I'm feeling great!" But that's the difference between Paul and me. Even when we were kids it took a lot for my parents to get through to him. He seemed to get spanked regularly and always got yelling matches with them when he was angry. He was very strong willed. But for me, all I had to do is observe what was going on with him and I tried to obey my parents and never receive a spanking. I probably only received a handful in my lifetime with them. I was always devastated or embarrassed when they had to spank me. I hated to screw up so bad that they felt a spanking was in order. I also never raised my voice to my parents, and to this day I hate being in conflict. God doesn't have to do much to get me to listen to Him. He gives me a little tiny ache in my knee and I halt and say, "What does this mean? What do I need to do?" I am the epitome of the word "cautious." Paul on the other hand, not so much. LOL
This Saturday I am going to cut off my hair and give 10" to locks of love. I've been growing it since the end of 2011, shortly after Paul passed away... when my husband quit his job to be home with me and the kids. For some reason this idea of cutting my hair has made me very emotional. When Paul started taking Bikram Yoga classes he stopped cutting his hair. So his hair was down to the middle of his back. Mine is probably just a bit longer right now. I think he would tell me to suck it up, that cutting my hair isn't that big of a deal. I can hear him saying, "It's just hair." One of the main reasons I am cutting it is so people can read the back of my shirt I made to wear during my marathon. It has Paul and Ruth's picture on the back and says I am running for Melanoma Research. So I still want to do it. I am kind of over my hair being so long and always getting in my way. I just wish it would stop making me cry just thinking about cutting it and thinking about Paul! But maybe it will be a cathartic moment, and I will feel better afterwards.
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