For my first run after my week break I was going to start out with 18 miles, but then decided to just do 12 with my friend, Dr. John, who ran the Long Beach 1/2 with me. That was his running goal this past Saturday. We finished 11.5 miles together and then I headed out for another 1/2 hour of running/ walking to be done by 9am with the rest of the 18 miler runners in my L.A. marathon training group. My knees held up very well, so I was pleased. But I was already running out of steam and slowing down by the end of the 11.5 miles. So, I walked and jogged for the next half hour, completing 13.6 miles total. That was enough for the day. I didn't want to push myself to hard or to far since I had taken a whole week break from running or working out.
I ended up dedicating my run to a fellow runner who passed away that Monday, 1/13/2014. She was a part of the Virginia chapter of Moms Run This Town. I belong to the Anaheim Hills, CA chapter. A notice was sent out to all the chapters that this Mom, Meg Menzies, was hit by a drunk driver on a Monday morning when she went out for a run! She was a Mom of 3. It was heartbreaking news. The friend/ fellow runner of Meg's asked us to dedicate our runs on Saturday to her, they called the virtual event #MegsMiles. I decided to dedicate this inaugural run, on my possibly stress fractured knee, to Meg. Bring purpose to the pain. (Seems to be my new motto these days.)
The entire time I ran this song played in my head by Hillsong United called "Oceans", Its very meditative, but I didn't remember all the words. Later I went home and played it on YouTube. It made me bawl. I am running the L.A. Marathon to memorialize my brother Paul and raise money for Melanoma Cancer Research. So I was carrying him in my thoughts along with Meg and her family during my run. I truly believe my running has been a way for me to mourn the loss of my brother. It's been a physical challenge that I have gained a lot of self satisfaction from, but its also a time when I reflect on the pain and suffering of my brother and how the pain and the suffering I feel during a long run is nothing compared to what he had to deal with.
Not only was there pain and suffering from the melanoma tumors growing in his groin and abdomen, but he had already suffered from an 80 foot fall out of a Redwood tree several years earlier. Yup, that's right... an 80 foot fall from a Redwood. He was doing contract work for the government, climbing trees to count the nests of a particular bird that I believe was endangered. He could have died, but his back was so muscular and strong from being a rock climber (think guy hanging off the face of a cliff, that was him) that his muscles actually held his spine in place when it broke. They put three long screws into his spine to put him back together. He had a lot of nerve damage due to that impact on his back (no kidding). The damaged nerves would send shooting pains up his back and he said it would feel like a dagger was stabbing him. These pains came and went throughout the day. We would be talking and all of a sudden he would jump up and cry out in anguish. He would apologize, but I never felt it was necessary. "Do whatever you have to do to deal with the pain." Is what I would tell him.
He decided to not drug himself to stop feeling the pain, he didn't want to just sit on the couch and become sedentary. He kept climbing and looking for a better way to relieve the pain. He tried everything, even acupuncture. He ended up finding Bikram Yoga, that thing you may have heard of called "hot yoga," and that was the only thing that gave him relief from all the nerve pain and helped him learn to manage the pain signals to his brain. Then he liked it so much that he decided to become a Bikram Yoga instructor. It was this choice that brought him to Ruth, his wife. (They married one month before he passed away.)
So, all of that back pain, PLUS the pain from the melanoma cancer inside his body, is what he was dealing with in his last year of life. It made me cry every time I visited him. He had the shooting dagger pains in his back coming and going, and then when he was digesting food he would feel pain from that. And going to the bathroom was a whole other story. Poor guy. It was just truly awful. But he handled every bit of it so well. And he never stopped believing in God or blamed God for horrible things happening in his life. He kept his faith and drew nearer and nearer to God. Often counseling myself and our family in the process, instead of us bringing him comfort. Just amazing.
And if you know me you know the rest of the story. He died July 2011 and then his wife was diagnosed with melanoma cancer in her brain over a year later. She was given only 3 months to live, and passed away in December 2012. Wow. We were all stunned. After that I decided to do the thing that seemed impossible, run a full marathon, and do it in their memory.
Now when I train and I feel pain I think of Paul. All that pain and suffering, and for what? I have a couple verses that I think fit very well and answer that question. This is the one I decided to put on the back of my shirt for the L.A. Marathon, above a picture of Paul and Ruth: Romans 5:3b-4 "...we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Another good verse is Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Paul embodies both those verses to me. He was a man that suffered daily that had figured out how to persevere. He was a man of character. And he had hope, even in death. And today he is in Heaven in the glorious new body that God had awaiting him. Praise God! And that gives me more comfort than you could ever know! These are the things that I meditate on when I run those long training runs and I feel like I am suffering, and my body is in pain. My brother is my motivation, and my pain is a tool for me to learn to persevere despite it. I pray that this journey builds character in me and that I can share with others the hope we have in Christ through the story of this journey. May all of this be for the glory of God and not for my own boasting. Amen!
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